[Paul enters, opens a sealed envelope, and reads the following:]
By the time you read this, I will have opened my show “Brent or Brenda?” at ReBar, which is why I’m not at Spin the Bottle. Sure, our show’s only about 90 minutes with intermission, but if things are going the way I’ve planned, I shouldn’t be driving.
However, you still elected to do Spin the Bottle without me. I can forgive that, I suppose. And I could write this little letter and have you read it, and hope that it’s funny, but COME ON! I mean, the audience doesn’t want to see anything like that from us. They want to be pelted with marshmallows, they want to be hugged.
But most of all, the audience wants to see you get spanked.
Well, goddammit Paul, if the audience wants to see some spankings, you know what you have to do.