Naked Dead Guy

[Office sounds in a dark stage.]

[Lights up to reveal Ben typing. There is a naked dead guy on the floor. Paul enters with a cup of coffee and some doughnuts.]

Paul: Mornin’.

Ben: Mornin’.

[Paul takes off jacket, hat, and begins typing. There is a long pause as Paul tries to work, but can’t help glancing at the naked dead guy and checking for Ben’s reaction.]

Paul: Ben?

Ben: Hmm?

Paul: Forget it.

[Long pause.]

Ben: Did you bring me a doughnut?

Paul: Yeah.

[Paul awkwardly hands Ben a doughnut over the naked dead guy. Another long pause. Paul can’t work.]

Paul: Sorry, I just… [points to naked dead guy] What’s that?

Ben: That’s not our problem. Just ignore it.

[Long pause.]

Paul: Sorry. It’s just too distracting.

[Paul puts his hat over the butt of the naked dead guy.]

Paul: That’s better.

Ben: Well, that settles that.

Paul: What?

Ben: It’s your naked dead guy now.

Paul: Huh?

Ben: It’s wearing your hat.

Paul: Funny.

Ben: I’m not joking.

[Long pause.]

Paul: You know, you got here first.

Ben: It was here when I came in this morning.


Paul/Ben: Mondays.

[Long pause. Paul and Ben stare at each other, naked dead guy, etc…]

[Co-worker enters.]

Co-worker: Hey guys. Whoa! Whose naked dead guy is that?

[Paul and Ben point to each other.]

Paul/Ben: His!

[Paul, Ben, Co-worker laugh as lights fade. Lights stay out as audience applauds. As everything gets quiet, co-worker says in the dark]

Co-worker: No, seriously you guys. Whose is it?


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