PAUL:
On January 12th, at 12:39pm, Gude/Laurance received this message:
BRET:
Hey Gents,
I need something word-heavy this month — we have a lot of dance and music, I need text to balance that out. I want to see you both at music stands, reciting some kind of story.
Yours, Bret
BEN:
Paul and I talked about it for a bit over email, and then a week later I got a phone call that went something like this.
PAUL:
Hi, Ben! You remember Koko? Koko the Gorilla?
BEN:
The sign language Gorilla? With the kitten?
PAUL:
I totally want to make up this thing where we find out she wrote “Any Which Way But Loose” slash fiction between Clyde and Clint Eastwood’s character.
BEN:
For the show?
PAUL:
What show? (Coughs) I think I’m getting sick.
BEN:
I didn’t hear from Paul for a while until I received this email:
PAUL:
Ben, sorry I haven’t got back to you about the Koko “Any Which Way but Loose” erotic fan-fic, but I want to make sure it’s as historically accurate as possible.
I’m going to do some research, and will get back to you soon.
I’ve got an idea for how we can use it, too. It seems good right now, but I’m sick and on Nyquil right now, so I don’t trust my judgment.
A commercial for Nyquil just came on the TV. Weird.
BEN:
Paul wrote me a few more times, asking me if he thought he needed to learn sign language, and wondering what day it was. I’m used to that.
PAUL:
I started looking for transcripts of Koko “speaking” so I knew what she would sound like. I found a transcript of a chat she did for AOL. One of the things I noticed people mentioning is that her human friend seemed to interpret Koko’s statements in the most vanilla light possible, and that if you examine what Koko says without taking the friend’s word for it, you realize Koko is very lonely and very sad. On a whim, I removed all of the human friend and moderator’s comments. What I was left with was shocking. It was raw simian lust. There was no way Ben and I could handle this amount of erotic fury on our own. Enter, Bret Fetzer.
BRET:
Selections from the erotic poetry of Koko the Gorilla.
PART ONE – SEDUCTION
Fine. Nipple.
That red, pink.
Hurry, good.
Pink. Good.
Black.
Kisses.
Lips lipstick.
Lips fake candy give-me.
Good.
Bad hear.
Hurry.
Hear.
PAUL:
Pink this.
Pink this pink.
Listen.
Koko-love eat … sip.
Listen.
(Huff)
(Purr)
Dog.
Candy give-me.
See give-me.
Foot… Foot.
Hear lip.
(Huff)
No.
Fine nipple.
Give-me.
BEN:
PART TWO – EXPLORATION
Sleep lie-down.
This red, red hurry.
Good sip give-me.
Foot, foot, bigtoe-foot good go.
Nipple.
Good kiss go hurry.
Kiss.
Good hurry-you.
Good hurry.
Frown bad bad bad.
Toilet down kiss good go hurry.
This stink go.
Kiss go behind down.
Lipstick lips.
BRET:
This.
Mouth give-me.
Give-me.
Me.
This nipple. This.
Give-me do.
Good kiss give-me.
(Purr)
…darn.
Give-me hurry kiss good give-me.
Fake. Good give-me.
Lip hurry there.
Obnoxious…fake.
Gorilla.
BEN:
PART THREE – THE AWKWARD WALK HOME
Frown red bad bad… red good
give-me.
Kiss give-me.
Hurry give-me mouth nipple.
Good kiss give-me.
Fine have food lips lipstick hurry.
Hurry.
Bye-kiss hurry.
Blow.
Good-kiss.
Good kiss kiss kiss blow go.
There look have.
PAUL:
Hat
This you hurry come.
Blow.
Blow blow-kiss.
Lip.
Kiss good-kiss go.
Candy hurry…candy.
Candy hurry.
(PAUSE)
Please turn over your programs and join with us in the final verse.
Nipple.
Hear.
(Huff-huff)
Give-me.
Huff.
Visitor Koko-love lips lipstick lip.
Have good-kiss go.
