Sonya: And now another exciting adventure from Gude/Laurance.
[Ben enters holding uke]
Ben: Thank you, thank you very much. My name is Ben Laurance, and I’m unemployed. Thank you. Each month Bret Fetzer gives Paul Gude and I an assignment for our three minutes we have here at Spin the Bottle. This month, since Paul is acting in Red Eye just down the corridor there, Bret said I have to have a proxy Paul. And I figured what better proxy for Paul than a foxy lady, so please welcome to the stage, my foxy proxy, Jaye!
Ben: I also have to have music, so [strums chord on ukulele], there, that takes care of that. [puts uke away] And since I have this foxy proxy here, I thought why not write a scene around something everybody wants to see, and that’s Paul and I making out. Well, okay, only Josef wants to see that. Shame he’s not here, but it’s all in the name of art, so here we go. John, if you will…
[Ben and Jaye “prepare” for the scene, music begins:]
Ben: Hey, Paul. I know this may sound out of the ordinary, but let’s make out!
[Ben advances towards Jaye.]
[A chime is heard, hospital style. A PA voice announces:]
PA: Ben Laurance to sector four, please. Ben Laurance please report to sector four.
Jaye: I think you’re being paged.
Ben: No, that’s someone else. It’s a very common name. Now where were we?
PA: Ben Laurance, that’s L A U R A N C E to sector four please. Now!
Ben: Dammit! I have to go.
Jaye: Will I ever see you again?
[Ben begins to change outfits.]
Ben: Maybe someday, when fate designs to pull us together again. When the planets align in such a way, when Paul gets cast in another show opposite Spin the Bottle…
PA: Now, please!
Ben: Coming! Well, that’s my time this month. Thank you all-
Jaye: Wait! What about the rest of the scene?
Ben: Scene? Oh, that. Sorry. Uh…(to audience) who wants to be Proxy Ben? (to special guest star) How about you? Good!
[Ben places “Ben” sign on Special Guest Star]
Ben: Ladies and Gentlemen, I now present the conclusion of the scene “Ben and Paul make out”. Goodnight!
Proxy Ben: Now, where were we?
[Proxy Paul and Proxy Ben make out as lights fade]