[Ben enters and reads a prepared statement]
Paul Gude has a long history of starting projects that never go anywhere. Several years ago, he convinced some people to work on a video project with him for no money, convincing them that it would one day be seen by a receptive audience. Due to some internal problems, the project was scrapped. Much in the same way your plans to see a movie can be scrapped if some girl decides to ask your best friend out on a date on the same night, and he acts like it’s the fuckin second coming.
Several participants in the project suggested that a small portion of the material could be assembled for Spin the Bottle. True to form, Paul said he would try and then promptly forgot about his promise. Like when he tells you that he’ll try to hang out with you sometime, but instead he decides to ignore you completely and spends the entire weekend over at his new girlfriend’s house watching Adult Swim.
Now, finally, Paul has assembled a rough cut of the video. He wishes to apologize if anyone finds the following material disturbing, offensive, or comprised entirely of inside jokes. Because we all know there’s nothing worse than inside jokes. Like when you’re sitting across the table from two people who keep whispering in each other’s ears and laughing about something you don’t understand, because you haven’t talked to either of them in weeks even though they’re supposed to be your friends.
So, ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy “Another Mouth to Feed.”
[Lights out, movie begins to play]
